Fan mail from an 8 year old

I had a bit of a hiatus there from the blog, as I've gotten fairly busy over the Christmas and New Year holiday. I'm so loved, that it's hard to tear myself away from legions of fans sometimes. But, I digress. In any event, onto the topic at hand.

I often get email and fan mail from different people telling me how wonderful I am. Sometimes I get something slightly different though. Well, I got a particularly amusing piece of email over the holiday and decided to publish it here in my blog and take a look at the points made. So here it is:

Alex,







U talk a lot of trash wen you're wrestlin ppl. u only win by cheatin tho. and ur not even xciting in tha ring. these guys - Rey Misterio, Klash, AJ Stiles, Chris Sbin - they r who u should watching. shootin star press is exciting. crossface is not. u need to add more flips and twists into ur moves if u wanna be good as tehm. srsly, think about. u do have a nice finisher but if you wan to make big u gotta be able to do top rope moves. i don't even c u go there, r u afraig of heights? ok, well watch those and tell me they r not awesome. i like others to but watch them first then ill tell u more to watch. bye.


Wally

p.s. kiks are good to. like loki or tajiri. it hurt if u kick hard so u should try and kick hard.

Needless to say, this email stood out to me. I don't know if it was the eloquence or wonderful opinions, but it spoke to me. Before I could do anything, though, I had to convert this strange language to English. This is what I came up with:

Alex,

When you're wrestling with someone, you often say disparaging things to them. I believe that you cannot win unless you somehow break the rules. It is also my opinion that you don't do enough career threatening, flashy moves. These guys- Rey Mysterio, Klash, AJ Styles, Chris Sabin - are who you should be watching if you wish to improve upon your style. The shooting star press, while really adding nothing to the actual impact of the move, us truly breath-taking to view. Your crossface is not so breath-taking, although it does look like it truly hurts. In my humble opinion, if you use more flips and twists when you wrestle, you'll add more of a devastating impact to your already devastating moves. I think you should put some serious thought into what I've said. The Alexcution is possibly the most devastating move known to man, but you may want to consider adding in some sort of top rope suicide dive for the hell of it. I never see you on the top ropes, perhaps you're scared that you may take a nasty spill and subject yourself to more wrestling absences? So, go ahead and watch the wrestler's I've named and tell me that you don't think they're amazing. I like many other wrestler's too of course, but as to not bog you down with too much right now, just watch those and perhaps later I can tell you more to watch. Farewell.

Waldo

p.s. Kicks look like they hurt quite a bit as well. Kicks from wrestler's such as low ki or tajiri. I've been kicked many times in my head and can tell you it hurts quite a bit, so you should try and add that to your already vast repertoire.

I think a few thousand of my brain cells died just reading that garbage. I just have to believe that either this person was 8 years old, or was very high/drunk during the writing of this. First let me complain about the internet which has made it popular to shorten words such as you or are or apparently "seriously". So essentially what we've managed to do, is make our already lazy society even MORE lazy. Well, despite the horrid grammar and spelling, I have to also point out his horrid opinion. And now we'll segway into what this genius referred to as "exciting":

Now, I'm not going to knock that style of wrestling of lots of spots at all. As a matter of fact, Klash, one of my favorite people to wrestle often incorporates this type of high energy high impact offense, often using the ropes to spring himself around. My main issue is the idea that you have to incorporate flips, twists and tops rope maneuvers to be "exciting". If you're telling a story and you can work those things into a match, than do it. But as with everything, we're trying to tell a story and sometimes it just doesn't fit the match.

Let me give a vague example. Say wrestler 1 hits wrestler 2 with a powerbomb, laying him out. Wrestler 1 then takes his time going up to the top rope to an attempt a top rope maneuever, which he connects with. The time it takes for Wrestler 1 to go to the ropes, climb the ropes, pose for a moment, then jump off and connect is probably what? 20 seconds? What happened to that guy laying on the mat? He can kick out at 2 1/2, but can't move out of the way when laying on the ground for 20+ seconds. What kind of realism are we adding to the event when things like this go on? If he stays down for that long, Wrestler 1 should just go for the pin.

Now, that's not to say top rope moves should not be used, but I think they should be used in smart situations. Waiting for the guy to stumble up to his a missile dropkick or flying clothesline is much more realistic and makes more sense. Or you both get caught up there, you shove him off and hit a top rope move. That makes sense. He was only on the ground for a few moments so it's easier to see why he couldn't roll out of the way.

Each style is different, and my style just happens to be more hard-nosed technically sound wrestling. Can I do those things? Absolutely. Will I do those things? Maybe once in a while when it fits the match, but I like the way I do things more. Hell, Moore is better after all.

I wish I could make this post longer, but I'm excited to say I have a match in five hours! I'm already pumped, so I'm going to have to cut this thing short. I'm wrestling a guy named Chuck Rollins. I've seen some of his work and he's pretty solid. He'll be a good wrestler when he gets some years under him.

Too bad tonight he's gonna tap out.